im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize