8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
