I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
