Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
