Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
