Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
