i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The power of my boobs compel you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
