My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My hand turned me down
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
