I have demons in me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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