I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They took my balls.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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