I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
