Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
