Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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