I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
