I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
