It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
