just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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