a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
