In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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