tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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