hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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