I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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