I wanna passion pit in your ass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
