I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
