Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
