wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
