There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
