eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
