I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
