Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
