somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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