my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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