we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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