Plan B is the new Plan A
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
