and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
