You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
