it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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