Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
