so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
