when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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