3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
