Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize