i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
