hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
