It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
