You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
