The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
