cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize