I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
