I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
