So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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