Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
