your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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