I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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