Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
