Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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