I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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