me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
