Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
