R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
