Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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