woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
