Acid is not a monday night drug
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
