broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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