he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
