no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
