First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize