Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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