Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
