You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
