Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
