i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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