I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
