this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
