I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
