Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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