Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
