I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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